Tuesday, May 1, 2012

A Share Of First Love and Heartache

I was sitting quietly in a corner, when all of a sudden, discreetly he came up to me handing me a piece of folded tissue paper. I stared at him with skeptic eyes but he just smiled sweetly to me. I decided to check it out deliberately. In one full swoop, I felt butterflies fluttering in my stomach, and a sudden blush flushed my face. I couldn't seem to look back at him but I eventually did, shyly. He responded my questioning look by uttering the soundless words he'd written on the paper. He said "I love you" in a soundless way and no one around could hear his voice. I could only read his lips as he uttered those words, but it seemed like a loud whisper from afar. It felt like I was in jubilation. My heart started beating ferociously that I could hear it echoed. My mind couldn't explain what was happening to me. It felt like it was the sweetest madness I had ever experienced in my whole life. I knew I was falling in love with him.

I thought about these three words "I love you". These words had weaken me for the longest time, whenever or however form it is; be it through his text messages, or by his way of saying those to me, I never got used to its effect on me. It's like a magic potion that swept away the negativity, agitation, and doubt. It made me trust him wholeheartedly. His smile never left my mind on that very day. as well as his handsome pair of eyes that mesmerizes me once in a while. His lips which are rather sweet are my ecstasy and a craving for his kisses are undeniable. These feelings had never died down, although I cease to exist in his life no more.

So much for memories, I'm unable to resist reminiscing this part of me. Truthfully speaking, the more I try to retaliate every pain he caused me, the stronger the feelings I have for him
could overpower me. So, I decided to let it be. Either way, it's still a lose-lose situation for me, because it's not like I could have a leverage or something. I would never survive this thingamajig for I am vulnerable when I am in love, and I could only apologize to 'peace of mind', to have lost its grasp of it, whenever I fear my own vulnerability. It's totally imba; a stupid thing indeed.