Sunday, April 15, 2012

Achy Reality

"It was a friendship affection that resulted to intimacy", he said. 
"Are you kidding me?".... I heard myself say at the back of my mind.

Several weeks had passed, yet, I haven't moved on from the tete-a-tete I had, with the guy I once fell in love with, and I am not sure if the feelings I had for him, had left me for good, just as the way he'd gone away. At times, I could wish....  wish that I did not allow myself to get too attached; wish that I could stop myself indeed, from thinking STILL of him and how he's been; wish I could refrain myself from writing about him and the past; wish I could prevent myself from shedding tears I don't deserve. 

For quite a long time, I prayed, that I'd be able to reach out to him, tell him how I felt and the pain that cost me, confess that I fell for him at one point, admit that I get jealous amid his flirtations with other girls, declare all my struggles from showing off my agitation, hurt, remorse and the like, so as to prevent myself from chasing him around and look pathetic. 

He claimed that he didn't have the slightest idea!!! Never had he thought I was extremely upset, for he sees me being enthusiastic, most of the time. Had he really not known, or was he just being insensitive? And how would he know, when he was busy making up alibis just to avoid me. 

With me getting weary on all of these issues, I could only invoke myself to move on, and cling to the desire of living my life, less all the worries and regrets, plus, less of him totally. 

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