Sunday, June 27, 2010
Eve of Chapter XXVIII
I always hear it when people say "Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it". It's nothing horrendous, isn't it? I just celebrated my birthday yesterday and I was very grateful to all my friends who came and feasted with me 'though it was not a grandiose event. There was really nothing to celebrate, however, I am thankful for another year to spend my life on earth.
I have been a weakling in my entire 27th year. My family and my friends stay to cheer me up and keep me going throughout.
There was a time I had even wish for annihilation.. that was even worse! When you can't take the hurt anymore... from various circumstances, you just wanted to end your life like that, just to keep yourself safe from pain.
The preceding year mostly, was not at all gratifying. It was full of the most happiest moments in my life which turned out to be distressing, later on.
Sometimes, you think your family is the one that would understand everything whatever life has to deal with you, but oftentimes, you don't expect they can be part of the things that keep your spirit low. They apparently hurt you and accuse you of something you are not even proud of. You reckon, they are the last people to speak ill of you but somehow, you will be caught off guard for the hideous comments they utter. Somehow, I get to realize the purpose of it. Although, you really get hurt. But my family is a blessing to me and that is the best gift that God has given me ever since.
No matter how I try to break away, I am not that much elusive or shall we say, evasive when it comes to love. I fell in love with the guy who is not sure of his feelings for me. He was committed but not espoused. Every time I look back to everything he told me about him falling in love with me, and him not-so-happy with the girl anymore, it feels like I've always been haunted by the beautiful memories I have with him. I felt stupid for believing and for letting myself get caught on this love trap. I was hopeful he would fight for me. Until now, I am praying he would, and every time I do that, I get agitated all the more. That is a wish everyday for the past days until I promised myself not to anymore once I get past my 27th year. I am not sure if those wishes are still effective.
I am sure what and who makes me happy. That "what" and "who" are the same people that makes me sad. So, I am at my worst still on the first day of my 28th year. Confused which road to take. I am happy I have my family around with the presence of that someone I love in my entire life. They too at times, can make my heart break. So, do I get punished for this? The only option I have is to stay happy no matter how much sadness this happiness equates to.